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June 10, 2016 | Costello

Put Your Hands Together…

It finally happened. The letter writing campaigns, the social media movements, the picketing and protests outside his office; Sohmer wrote an NPC Tale staring Dnah.

If I can be serious for a moment, I love Dick. We all do. He’s fun, he’s funny, he’s violent, he has an amazing design, Dick tickles a whole lot of id. But he’s got a complex backstory that’s only been fed to us in tiny doses, he has true moments of heart, so he has a super ego appeal as well. What I’m saying is that I get why Richard is so popular. I’m just thankful that NPC gives us two reminders a week of just how robust the LFG world is, and how intriguing some of the obscurer characters are.

Dnah, as always, is the best example. He kind of hung out with the group for a while but he wasn’t a part of the group. He ranks somewhere below Tah’vraay, Rayd Bool, Dorel, Tim, on the list of honourary members of the group. But he still ranks. And in the time before NPC, a character like Dnah would only show up when the plot or a gag needs it. Which, frankly, is as it should be in the main strip. I’m Dnah’s biggest fan and even I don’t want him showing up when it’s not the right time.

Luckily, we are in the age of NPC. Now we know that somewhere in the world, Dnah’s people are builders (brilliant), but Dnah is an outcast (on theme), and… well, that’s as far as we’ve gotten. But I’m hoping this epic tale of everyone’s favourite anthropomorphic hand will break NPC records and be long enough to fill an entire collected volume. NPC Volume 3: Day Nice A Have.

Speaking of Dnah, it’s been a while since I shared some of the Dnah products I’ve pitched (unsuccessfully) to Sohmer. These are all products that I brought up in pitch meetings, usually met with a simultaneous chuckle and death glare.

Dnah Hand Cream: Does your busy lifestyle leave your hands dry and irritated? Dnah understands. With his patented hand lotion (or, if you’re like Dnah, body lotion), you’ll be moist enough to run your fingers through a porcupine.

Dnah Hanukkah Candle Holder: Dnah has 9 reasons for you to get excited about this year’s festival of lights.

Dnah Rockin’ Vinyl! (I didn’t have a description for this one, just the perfect product image)



Now that we’ve had all hands on blog, let’s get to the top comments from the second half of May, 2016.

LFG 983
If the Indri of Invisibility is trying to be funny… I just don’t see it.

It’s kinda amusing that the authors still enjoy drawing those side characters again and not only once for 3-5 pages and be done with them. I like that dedication, because otherwise LFG would be the same as the Simpsons.

Stranger Danger! STRANGER DANGER! And what I mean by that is that a stranger kind of danger will soon be in ranger because of the danger of Stranger.

NPC 21-12
Speedy Marsh
Richard, several pages ago: (I’m gonna watch that kid die, even if it takes an entire lifetime!)

Steven L.  (in responce to Speedy Marsh)
Wouldn’t it always take an entire lifetime?

“you may find yourself living in a orphan’s shack
and you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find your son in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself
Well…How did I get here?”

hempev  (in response to alexandre)
Ironic, since there is no Head to be Talking.

Jason Reeves
Do headless Dicks dream of flaming sheep?
Answer: surprisingly … no. No they do not.

TDA 118
Ivory Bill
Trump doesn’t want a dragon. He wants his daughter.
Not even George R. R. Martin can make that stuff u- oh wait he does all the time.

Bernie would never agree to ride a dragon unless everyone in the khalasar got a turn.

Mr Iczer
Wait… can we actually have the losing candidates eaten by a dragon…?

LFG 984
Shipgirl Yokina
to be fair
If a dugon popped out of nowhere in front of me i sure as hell would be Distracted too

The last time I partook in a written roleplay I was throwing manatees around as distractions. Think dugongs would be a suitable upgrade.

Dugong of Deus ex Machina, more like it. ^_^

NPC 21-13
If this mirrors the last “where are you going” scene, does that mean the matrix scene was imagined? Awwww. By the way, I still think it’s the headless body that’s imagining this. Otherwise, that kid is cruel, going all “Yeah, I want a wife, but if she could die when I can no longer get an erection, that’ll be just fine. Honestly, just can’t listen to her anymore saying ‘BILLY YOU LEFT SPAGHETTI ON THE COUCH AGAIN AND ALSO, YOU’RE POOR AS FUCK AND I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO MY MOTHER!!’ ”

If there were a soundtrack I imagine there’d be some swelling uplifting music that invokes tears for panel one, then that vinyl scratch jarring scene shift sound followed by a “wah wah waaaah” sorta song for whatever punchline follows.

Ivory Bill
“This better end with a bittersweet hug surrounded by rays of sunlight or I’m going to pout for a week.
A week.”

LFG 985
Speedy Marsh
Richard is on the cusp of inventing a new weapon for whaling. He’ll tie a rope around the sheep’s hind legs, and hurl it at a whale. The sheep will repeatedly stab the whale, while mocking it for being so blubbery.
Richard has already come up with a name for this doubly cutting weapon: The Lambpoon.

Sooba is currently the panther of petting.

Nice, it’s about time the squad grows.
Welcome aboard, Murdersheep!

Another rare moment, in which Cale is being laughed WITH, instead of laughed AT.

NPC 21-14
Oxyones Selene
Eeeeh, this goes against the main comic so much (or, alternatively, the idea that the main comic’s page 30 was just a dream seems so tacked on) that my mind can’t accept this as canon. Practically feels like this is just a what-if fan-art or something because of how jarringly out of place it is compared to what we saw actually happen in the past (and I really can’t accept the “”Page 330 was just a dream”” statement even if it has the fuzzier outline because then that makes page 330 ridiculously random and out of place even by the standards of this comic compared to the rest of the comic).

Ooooh, and here’s the heartbreak. The truly confusing heartbreak? Page 330 of LFG has Pella and Richard discovering his dancing body with the same lines of ‘It’s worse than I could have even imagined’ and ‘Aye.’ This page implies that there was a slaughter instead.
Looking at LFG page 330, I can see the odd change to the art style that implies the dance was a fantasy. There’s also a few key differences between page 10 of this NPC storyline and LFG’s page 330, namely: Richard has a flower garland in 330 and the orphan boy is different ((taller, brown hair, a cap, and holding Richard’s hand)). So perhaps Richard’s body/the orphan boy was imagining the earlier dream sequence, -including- the dance that occurs on LFG page 330 and NPC page 10, but actually, Richard and Pella stumbled upon this scene. Maybe it just seemed happy to Richard, and this is Pella’s view?
I like that theory. -This- page is Pella’s view of finding the body and LFG page 330 is Richard’s view.
But now that I think about it, wasn’t there a page where Richard is arguing with his body to come back to him?

TDA 119
So Long and Thanks for all the fish

The Shadow
T1000-I’m the T1000 I was sent from the future to protect you. Get down!
*shoots alien*
Giorgio-you can’t go around shooting aliens!
But why?
Cause it’s not how we treat our galactic neighbors.
But they were coming to dissect you and enslave you.
I know ain’t it awsome!
No. Hasta la vista alien *shoots another alien*
Give me that thing! Stop killing the aliens!”

LFG 986
Michigan J. Frog
This is why we don’t insult fog elementals. Or effeminate elves.

Speedy Marsh
My wife’s name was Edmund Fitzgerald.

Mr. Random
Is there ever a way for these two to talk together?
Because I’m okay with them just constantly awkwarding themselves out of it.

NPC 22-01
Little do we realize, but, after this NPC story is done, that wet-nurse won’t be able to get a single job. Her last customer review read “”Skilled and polite, but she was all hands. And have you seen ME!? This is coming from a giant hand-person!”
Poor woman was handed her pink slip the next day, and she was forced to live off of hand-outs until the day she was felled by the hand of Richard… which will be its own NPC story in time.

safyrejet (in response to Argent)
You mean her “pinky” slip? ;P

A firsthand experience for the midwife, no doubt.

Galileo Figaro
Baby Dnah: “Poppa, where do babies come from?”
Papa Dnah: “When a lefty and a righty love each other very much, the righty asks the lefty to give him a hand, but the lefty ends up giving high fives to daddy’s best friend and his boss, promises to never do it again, but then high fives the neighbour, his sons and their dog, resulting in mommy and daddy getting a divorce and daddy having to take care of a little lame with questions.”
Baby Dnah: “What?”
Papa Dnah: “Your mom’s loose and I’m most likely not your dad. I keep you for the child support. Mommy’s rich, you see, and you needed piano lessons.”
Baby Dnah: “But I don’t have piano lessons.”
Papa Dnah: “Exactly.”

Jason Reeves
Birth control tip: always wear a rubber glove

And just like that, the comment section is full of hand puns. It is times like this I am reminded how great the people who read this comic are.


Until next time, be excellent to each other.