Protected: LFG Timeline

Cale meets Richard and it's really awkward. They discuss philosophy, murder a farmer, and give clever nicknames to one another. Then Richard swooshes about 99% of Cale. Cale clutches to that 1% of life enough to: stay alive; talk; perceive the world about as well as when he was 100%.

Richard, determined to help his recently-disintegrated new friend, meanders into the first town he stumbles across, polymorphing the mouthier of two dwarf guards into a frog. The other survives, slightly crisped.

A classic tale of priestess heals incinerated elf, elf protects priestess from bullying warrior, elf's animal companion mauls elf, and warlock has everyone peel the skin from their bones.

Cale, Benny, and Richard's getaway wasn't as clean as they thought; A freakin' dragon gets the drop on them! Luckily, Krunch gets the drop on it.

Saddle up your panther, the getaway continues into a man-eating mountain range.

Cale, Benny, Richard, and Krunch's escape takes them inside a mountain defended by gnomes. Well, "defended".

To stop the hilarious genocide of these gnomes, Cale agrees to help chief engineer Toyk with Mechastone's war with the trolls. No one is happy with Cale.

Back in the caves, this time heading north with gnome scout Fitch.

That's a big troll army, with their war machines and legions and Tim and Styx. Krunch kills Fitch as a cover story and because he has rage issues, and Stoll because maybe it was the right thing to do? Also, ends up Richard can kick ass without magic.

Prophecies lead the group to Gamlon, where they are looking for The Shriek, which will lead them to Kethenecia, which will lead them to the Sword of Truth. Turns out, The Shriek is the ghost of a girl, vulnerable to buckets, who suggests Cale go through a portal. Which he does, alone and ill informed.

Cale travels back in time to this elven castle, where he joins King Henias' militia against the Vulii. It doesn't go well. Just as Cale thinks he's about to save a princess with Tavor's swords, he warps back to his own time.

With blood as the needle of the compass that is Tavor's swords, the group sets out for Kethenecia. After fighting off a Vulii attack.

Krunch negotiates passage to Kethenecia. We meet Captain Tah'Vraay and her crew.

A Legion ship tries to capture the Father's Bones. Tries.

Land! Such as it is...

While following the map on Tavor's swords, Krunch explains to the group how this used to be a land of dragon rulers and humanoid slaves. They turn a sand dragon to glass using the magic of science! Or the science of magic. Either way, it unlocks the secret location of the city of Kethenecia.

Kethenecia! At last!

It ends up Tavor is alive and beat the group to Kethenecia. It helps that time that passed in an instant for Cale was three thousand years for Tavor. The group solves the riddle of the Kethenecia statue and travels through time again, Tavor in tow.

The group meets the Keeper of the Way, and that dude comes off crazy as a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos with eyeball marbles.

General Breem would have killed Krunch on sight had it not been for the first appearance of the mysterious Archmage, and his pesky bunny, too.

Richard woke up in Bertu before slaughtering it's population of 2765. Ends up, it wasn't wise to leave him unattended.

Tavor takes a stab at the Archmage but fails, while an army moves to take Kethenecia. The Archmage sends the group to the catacombs, where they meet Pella and Cale kills an innocent kid to return to his time.

Cale's still bummed about killing an innocent child a moment ago. C'mon elf, it's ancient history!

Wait, the child was the archmage? The Keeper of the Way isn't crazy? Players are set? Dice have been cast? Cale'Anon, king? What is going on here?!