GFL – Page 0030

Grouping For Looks is a page-by-page retelling of the Looking For Group saga through the lens of a mirror universe where Cale is a goateed tyrant and Richard is a holy soul trying to set him on a good path.

EXT. BATTLEFIELD – DAY

Cale, Krunch, Benny, and Richard strike a pose, ready to do battle! 

“Battle” entails taking on the army of mechanized gnomes AND the fierce troll forces.  

Cale’s grip on his swords loosens a bit as he suffers through analysis paralysis. 

CALE
So…

Yellow energy penetrates Richard through his thick layer of clothing, thin layer of skin, and dusty layer of what’s left of his organs. 

Krunch mounts Cale’s shoulder and points towards the troll casters. 

KRUNCH
Get the shamans. 

The old trolls brace themselves.

SHAMAN LEADER
Defend the shamans!

Cale cuts through the troll lines, paving his path with sinew and viscera. A shield wall forms, slowing Cale’s advance. As the elf pokes at the toes and shoulders of the troll shield bearers, Krunch digs his hooves into Cale’s shoulder. 

The minitaur leaps, dashing from shield to shield like a contestant on the first stage of American Ninja Warrior. He swings from beard to beard, like one of the a contestant on one of the later stages of American Ninja Warrior. Launching himself forward, he rips rips out the adam’s apple of the shaman leader, like a contestant on the final stage of my American Ninja Warrior/Attack on Titan mash-up fanfic. 

With the main shaman dead and the others distracted and scattering, Richard recovers. 

RICHARD
Must… help… the shamans. 

BENNY
Are you serious?

RICHARD
They are tools… of a war craftsman. And only poor craftsman blames his tools.

BENNY
Did the shamans fry your brains? 

RICHARD
Sooba… fetch!

From the ether, Sooba responds to Richard’s call. She barrels through Cale’s trail of dead corpses, leaping off the shield wall like a contestant on American Ninja Warrior – Pets Edition. 

Benny smirks. 

RICHARD
A warrior’s greatest muscle is his heart. The heart’s greatest exercise is-

Sooba drops the severed head of a shaman at Richard’s feet. 

RICHARD
-forgiveness. 

BENNY
It’s OK Sooba. He forgives you.  

GFL Archives

Original: LFG Page 30

First Grouping For Looks: GFL 001

Previous Grouping For Looks: GFL 029